my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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