Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
