I wish I only lived at night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
