I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
