Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There are leaves in my underwear?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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