omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
