my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
