He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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