You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
