i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
