He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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