how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
