His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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