Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
