Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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