Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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