He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
