Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
