it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
