Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
