so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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