So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
