You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
