I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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