eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
