The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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