Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
