im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
