U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
