hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
