I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
