idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
