i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
