when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
