Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
