Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
