he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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