I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
