Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
