that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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