We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
