I forgot how hot balto sounded
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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