I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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