Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
