why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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