The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
