Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
