I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
