god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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