i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
