If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
