if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
