Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
