What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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